I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
