i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
