I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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