My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
