First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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