So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
