Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
