ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
this is an emotional support booty call
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
