I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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