Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
