i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
cat food counts as protein by the way
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
