i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
