It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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