Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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