I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
