I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
