I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
