if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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