SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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