Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
