I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
