Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
