i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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