Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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