Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
