We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
