Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
