i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize