On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
