SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
