Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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