At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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