How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
