He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
