Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
