Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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