I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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