The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Only a mothe r could love this liver
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I deserve this hangover.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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