I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
