smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
