drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
my liver is dry heaving
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
