Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
