Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
