Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
