I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
