So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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