so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
