I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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