Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
