Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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