well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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