...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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