dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize