Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
