i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
