I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
