oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
