I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
