I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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