hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
