wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize