thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
