I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
