i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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