she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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