I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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