he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize