Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
