One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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