Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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